It’s easy to wonder “Is he the one?” when in a long term relationship. No one wants to make a mistake especially when we see many relationships that are not a good fit.
But, How do you know “he is the one?” These 8 traits listed below are solid ways to tell if your relationship has what is necessary for a strong foundation.
We have all at one time or another, tried to get people to fit into what we wanted them to be for a healthy relationship.
You can never fit or mold someone that cannot see what needs to be done or unwilling to do the work that all relationships require.
All happy and compatible couples need to work on their relationship. We are all human with emotions and life throws a lot at all of us and it’s not easy or smooth sailing for anyone.
Is he the one for me?
This is THE question. Is he the one for me? He doesn’t have to be the right one to anyone else…just you. You and him/her are unique together and how compatible you are with each other is what you need to know the most.
You both can be the incredible people on your own, but how you interact together is what is the most important.
It may not happen right away, but at some point you really know “this is right.” What this means is that you feel confidence and ease in this relationship that you haven’t felt before.
It just “feels” right.
This is knowing that you are compatible. Compatible in a way that you may not have felt before in other relationships.
Red Flags & Intuition
There is a lot to be said for intuition and a gut feeling. Make sure that you listen to what your intuition says, both good and bad. We want to know the best behaviors to find the “right one,” but also the things to look out for.
It’s important to understand the things that you do not want, it makes it easier to recognize the right one sooner and as well as the wrong one!
That’s what we all want… to make better decisions!
So often after a relationship ends, we say to ourselves…”I knew that this would be a problem.”
We often choose to ignore red flags by making excuses such as, “it’s not that bad” or “I can change him/her.”
NO you can’t change anyone, so please listen to the red flags and read the 8 ways to know if you can build a strong foundation with someone that could be “the one.”
Willing to work on the relationship
Having someone that is receptive to feedback is key. If you have someone that is resistant everytime that you talk about your problems, this will be a BIG problem.
Having someone who understands that it’s necessary to pay attention to the relationship is so important.
Both partners have to want to make the other happy and try to change when a behavior is brought up that is not ideal.
Some things to remember…
- Be aware that getting along with another person is NEVER easy, but if both are willing to put in the effort, you may have “found the right one.”
- After listening to your partners requests, the other tries to change. The right person doesn’t ignore the problem but wants to make the relationship strong.
- Understands that happy couples use counseling to stay on track and that this is normal and can be smart maintenance.
You just don’t want a partner that is resistant to feedback, doesn’t care to change and thinks that people that go to counselling are weak.
Wants you to grow and be your best selves
Finding someone that wants to grow with you and be their best self is like finding your biggest cheerleader!
All people grow and change and so do relationships, so finding someone that wants you to “be all that you can be,” (as they say) is so important.
When you find the right person, you should WANT to be your best selves. Not only for yourself but for our partner.
There is a sense of peace and comfort with each other. When you find the right one, you know that you will be able to grow and learn from each other.
On the flip side
A partner that wants to stifle who you are and what you would like to become, is the wrong partner to choose.
If you have certain dreams and your partner doesn’t really want you to achieve those goals, be aware that this is a huge negative.
You know when you find someone that is supportive and isn’t afraid of you becoming who you are meant to be..then that’s the right one!
Able to Communicate
Are you able to talk through your issues and misunderstandings? That is a great sign.
Being able to communicate or willing to learn to be a better communicator an important trait.
If you can talk without yelling or saying negative things about “the person,” then you have a foundation to grow!
Realistic about situations
Being aware of any challenges that are specific to you both. This is where you think with your head and not just your heart.
You may need to have some specific traits to deal with your unique challenges.
For example, if you are in a long distance relationship or if there are kids involved you will have to be able to understand and navigate the problems that arise.
If you are in a long distance relationship
When you are apart for long spans of time, you both will have to figure out a schedule of seeing each other.
Patience and planning will help to keep the relationship alive. Both will have to be good at communicating and be secure in the relationship to make this work long term.
If there are kids involved
When children are involved, you will have to find your footing and your place within the relationship. Ex’s will be involved and if the children are young, you will become an instant parent.
That is why it’s important to think with your head, because these are real challenges that need to be worked on.
These are just two examples of many, but the main point is that the “right one” gets this and doesn’t gloss over the challenges. Then jump back up to #1 and be willing to work on them. 😊
Flexible with life’s challenges
Finding the right one means that your home life has a comfort and ease about it.
This is very different than “walking on eggshells,” or a constant feeling of stress when you are at home and together.
Surprise, life is challenging and finding someone that is flexible and not rigid makes any difficult times, so much easier.
Does your partner go with the flow, at least most of the time? You both have to look on the bright side which is talked about further below, and not get into a downward spiral each and every time that you have difficulties.
Uses humor & is generally positive
This is a continuation of the above trait. Being generally positive and using humor will help make life so much more bearable and enjoyable.
Seriously if you find someone that can lighten the load and break the seriousness with some positivity you truly have found a gem!
Yin and yang
Do you both balance each other? Yin and yang, you fit together. Maybe one person is higher strung and the other is more grounded.
Or maybe one is more outgoing and the other is more introverted.
This is what someone means when they say opposites attract. You are NOT opposites in values, but opposite personality traits.
Some examples of these personality traits are nurturing, creative, introverted, extroverted.
This is listed last, not because it is last but because it is THE most important one.
Values are the concrete foundation of any relationship. Talking about this topic before getting serious is how you will know for sure that he is the right one.
Values are basic and core beliefs that guide or motivate our attitudes and actions.
How important is family? How do you see male and female roles in a relationship? What do you believe? How do you see your future? How important are the traits such as loyalty, honesty, commitment, the environment, being open minded etc.
Finding the right one, means that you both have similar values
Answering the question “Is he the one?” will be a lot easier after reading the 8 ways above. Each one is a part of the puzzle.
- You will know that “it just feels right” while also…
- Being realistic to any possible challenges.
- You both want what is best for each other and will help and support them on their way.
- You both can communicate without tearing the other down.
- You both understand that all relationships take maintenance even the most compatible couples.
- You both balance each other.
- You both have the same values and are flexible with life’s challenges.
- You both want to be your best self for yourself and the relationship.
- You can both laugh and mostly see the positive in things and life.
No one will hit all of these ALL OF THE TIME. Just make sure that the percentage is higher to the positive.
Meaning that more often than not you both act in the healthy way listed above.