So your boyfriend just dumped you (or is about to) and you want him back — now what?
Well, I understand girl, this can be heart-wrenching and you may even be at a point where you feel its simply hopeless. He’ll never take you back, the love just ain’t there anymore for him. Trust me — been there! It sucks. It freakin hurts like crazy.
And, maybe you two won’t ever reconcile. I’m not a relationship expert. But, what I can tell you is there is a GOOD chance you can. And, even if he has another girl. I’ve been following a relationship expert and I’m going to share below some of the tips I learned from this expert about how to get your ex-boyfriend back.
I’ve actually tried these tips myself after I was dumped and I had my ex-boyfriend calling me within two weeks to “drop stuff off to me.” After that, he called the next day to “ask if I’d check his bank balance” — I took my computer and left him without one.
Within a week after that, he asked me if I wanted to come over for dinner.
So, ladies this stuff I’m about to share that I learned and tried myself does work. And, while you may already know some of these tips to get your ex-boyfriend back, I bet not many of you have actually tried them long enough for them to work. So, you owe it to yourself to work these tips and don’t give up if they don’t work right away.
Why Girls Don’t Get Their Ex-Boyfriends Back
The reason why many of us girls don’t get our ex-boyfriends back and end up with a broken heart is because of the things we do during the first several weeks after they broke up with us.
Here are some behaviors we tend to do — see if you can relate:
- We call or text them
- We beg them to come back
- We become very emotional
- We stalk their social profiles
- We blame ourselves and ponder on what we did wrong
These are some huge mistakes girls. But, don’t worry if you’ve made them. You can still turn it around. Here’s how:
Tips on How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back
Okay, so try these tips ladies on how to get him back.
1. Cut Off Contact With Him
This has got to be the BEST tip ever for getting your ex back. If you’re constantly calling or texting him, how the hell is he going to even miss you? Think about it. Would you miss someone you just broke up with if they keep calling you and begging you to come back to them?
So, the absolute FIRST thing you need to do is make him miss you. And, for this to happen, you have to stop all contact between the two of you.
Here’s what I learned through the relationship expert (and it’s going to sting): Cut off contact for a month. Yep, 30 days.
Now, how this is supposed to work is you’re not supposed to contact him in any way AND you’re not supposed to answer any of his calls or texts either.
I’m going to be honest with you here, I didn’t follow this tip the way I was supposed to. While I didn’t contact him in any way, I did answer his calls. But, I still had good results. In fact, I was working tip 6 below, by the end of three weeks. I just wanted to be upfront with you.
So, anyway, here’s how it’s supposed to work. For the next 30 days (even if you talked to him today) you can’t:
- Call him
- Text him
- Contact him through social media
- Email him
- Spend time with mutual friends in the hopes of running into him
- Run into him “by accident”
- Answer any of his calls, texts or online messages
The reason behind this “30 days” is to give you some time to calm down and gain some perspective on the relationship. When you first break up, you’re typically a mess. You’re sad, emotional, angry, hurt, etc. That’s no state of mind to try and get your ex back.
Who knows, after this 30 days, you may not even want him back. Hmmm.
And, if he cheated on you, physically or verbally abused you or was constantly putting you down, you’re better off without him. I know it sucks to hear that, but give yourself those 30 days and see for yourself.
Also, during these 30 days, you’re going to begin to learn more about yourself and improve your mindset. You’ll learn how to be happy without him.
Okay, so other than learning more about yourself and calming down, how does “not contacting him” benefit you? I mean, how is it going to get him back?
The longer you don’t contact him, the more he’s going to start wondering what you’re up to. Read that sentence again. See, right now he believes you’re sitting on the couch with a box of tissues in your lap crying over him. And, maybe you are. But, when you don’t call and beg him to come back, it “appears” as if you’re not thinking about him. And, that’s going to get him to start thinking about you.
He’s going to wonder why you’re not contacting him. Did he make the right decision in dumping you? Are you with someone else? Are you doing fine without him?
These are all questions that will go through his head. But, ONLY if you don’t contact him. Even if he contacts you…don’t call him back. If you’re like me and went ahead and answered his call, that’s okay, just act like you don’t miss him and you’re doing awesome right now without him. Keep the conversation short and say goodbye to him first.
That will drive him nuts.
Then, go back to not contacting him.
You see, he’s not going to miss you right away. I mean, he did break up with you, remember? You have to give him a reason to miss you and it starts with not contacting him, but it’s going to take some time and patience. Hence, the 30 days. When he doesn’t hear from you in 30 days: “umm wait a minute….what have I done? Is she fine without me? I can’t have that.”
2. Don’t Beg
Okay, so no doubt your first instinct, when you’re dumped, is to try and find out what you did wrong and beg him to come back to you. DON’T DO IT!
This is in no way attractive to him, you can’t convince him to come back by begging him. In fact, by begging him, you’re actually pushing him further away and are repelling him like “OFF does to mosquitos.”
When you beg, it lowers your value. Imagine him begging you, crying about how he can’t live without you. Well, maybe you might like that. But, it would get old fast for me, I tell ya. For men, though, it’s a major turn off. And, that’s not the direction you want to take when you’re trying to get your ex back.
Because he already knows he can have you any time he wants you. He knows you’re just sitting there waiting for him to take you back. So, imagine how it would make him feel if you completely ignore him, don’t call and don’t beg for him back?
3. Act Like You Don’t Care
Go on Facebook and change your relationship status to “single.” Delete any photos you have of him. Don’t unfriend him or this tip won’t work. Go out with your friends and take several pictures of you having a good time.
Upload your “had a great night” photos.
This shows your ex that you’re not all sad and depressed and you’re getting on with your life and having fun. You don’t need him. And, you know what he’s going to think? He’s going to wonder if he made a mistake dumping you, cause now, you don’t look like you even need him anymore. Wait huh? When did that happen?
4. Work on Yourself
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with you. But, if your guy dumped you, it’s time to give him a reason to realize he made a mistake and want you back. How you do this is by working on yourself so you become a better person.
Here are some ideas:
As you’re improving yourself, be sure to post status updates and pictures on your social profiles to show it off.
When he sees that you’re not feeling miserable without him and are actually becoming a better person and are doing quite well, he’ll take notice. He will maybe even regret breaking up with you.
5. Don’t Make it too Easy for Him to Take you Back
Okay, so now you’ve grabbed his attention and he calls you and asks to see you. Don’t immediately go running back into his arms. In fact, what you want to do is get him to the point where he starts begging you to come back to him. But, how do you do this?
Simple (well not really)…
You need to become extremely valuable to him. But how?
First, you have to go back to tip #3 and act like you don’t care anymore. Think about it.
If you have been guilty of calling, texting and begging for your ex to come back to you, and they showed no interest, what did that do to you?
It made you want them even more, didn’t it?
Well, that’s how you need to be. You achieve this by not contacting them and if they do call or text you and ask to see you, turn them down. Say no. They had their chance and they blew it. You’ve moved on and they can’t have you.
Hard or impossible task to swallow, right? Yeah, I know. But, remember, when they said no to you and showed no interest, you just wanted them more. Same thing gonna happen here.
So, tell him you’re dating someone. It’s nothing serious, you’re just having fun. Even better, borrow a friend’s boyfriend that your ex never met and have the girlfriend take a picture of the two of you at a bar dancing or sharing a drink together. Make sure his arm is draped over you. Post that picture on Facebook or whatever social site your friends with your ex on. Then in the status, write something like, “had a fabulous time last night.”
When your ex sees you with another guy, you instantly have higher value to him.
When your ex thinks he can’t have you anymore, you become extremely attractive to him. You become valuable. And the chase begins.
I know it sounds dangerous. And, you’re probably thinking, “what if he gives up and I lose him forever?” Well, ask yourself this question — did you give up when your guy told you no or showed no interest? Would you give up wanting to be with him if he started dating someone else? Chances are, it would drive you crazy and you’d only want him even more. Am I right?
Just try it. Give it some time. After a few weeks of him thinking you don’t want him anymore and/or you’re with another guy and he is calling and texting you to come back to him, then you can take him back. 😉
If you’re absolutely petrified with this tactic, try this one instead:
6. I Don’t Give a Shit, Let’s Hang Whenever
This one was fun for me. I made up this trick myself. If you do end up getting his attention back and he starts asking to see you, you can play the “I don’t give a shit, let’s hang” game. If he asks for you to come over, schedule a day with him. Don’t give in and go over his place right there at that very moment. Don’t even go over there later on that night. Instead, make him wait a few days.
Say something like, “sure, we can hang, but I actually have plans tonight and I have this thing I have to do tomorrow. So, maybe on Wednesday?”
Then, go back to not contacting him for these next couple of days and either call him up on Wednesday (or whatever day you agreed on) and tell him, “sorry, such and such” came up and I won’t be able to come over tonight. Maybe tomorrow?”
Go over that night, enjoy yourself (you can even sleep over) and then the next day, say something like “I’m out. I’ll talk to you later”, then go home and go back to not contacting him. Don’t answer the phone or text the first time he contacts you. Go ahead and answer his next call or text only if it’s been a day since his call or text.
If he asks to see you again, you can do the same thing and tell him you already have plans for the next couple days or have things you have to do and wait a few days before you see him.
One thing here…
Now, if your guy still has feelings for you, this plan can work, because it shows him that you don’t desperately need him and you have a life without him. And, when a girl has a life without her man, that’s super sexy to guys. Guys like women who aren’t needy, are confident and are a little hard to get.
But, if your guy is really only wanting to see you because he’s really only looking to get you in bed, because he doesn’t have anyone else at the moment, then this plan is not the greatest idea, because you’re basically just giving him what he wants and allowing him to use you. This will only mess your head up more and will leave you more heartbroken when he stops wanting to see you when you could have been using this time to heal and move on. So, you know your guy and you’ll know if he has feelings still or not. But, in case you are not sure:
How do you know if he still has feelings for you?
Well, it goes something like this:
First, it’s over. He doesn’t want you anymore. You’re getting the cold shoulder from him. Then he texts or calls you for either stupid reasons like you forgot your hat at his house or just to see what’s up. Then he goes back to the cold shoulder again and round and round it goes.
What I learned from the relationship expert, was this is really an internal struggle he’s having.
At first, he was confident in his decision to break it off with you. But, if you mean something to him, he can’t just cut you out of his life and not miss you. Hence, the text about your hat.
The cold shoulder is him trying to be confident again in his decision to break it off with you.
But, if he is one day not speaking to you and a couple of days later he’s found another personal belonging of yours and just has to call and text you about it, that’s really him giving in to his feelings for you.
7. Stop Being in Such a Hurry
Chances are if you want to get your ex back, you want him NOW! Yeah, I get it girl. But actually, the fastest way to get him back is to take your time. Go back to tip 1. When you try and rush things, you just come across as desperate, impulsive and maybe even a little crazy. Give yourself some time to heal a little bit, get to know yourself and make him wonder what you’re doing.
8. Forget Him — Don’t Even Try to Get Him Back
Sounds weird and totally the opposite of what you’re trying to do, right? But, wrap your head around this one and it happens quite often. Those women who don’t even bother trying to win back their ex and simply just move on with their life end up with their ex-boyfriends at their doorsteps. I’m not sure how, probably because it works similar to tip 1, maybe? That’s what I’m thinking. So, forget him girl. Go on and let it be all about you. But, let me know if he calls or shows up at your doorstep. 🙂
Okay, so now you’ve tried some of these tips, you’ve given it some time and you’re ready to get back together. Now what?
Create a New Relationship With Your Ex
Now it’s time to create an entirely different relationship with him. You can’t go back to the same relationship you had before, because eventually, it’s going to lead to another breakup. So, instead, you need to create a new relationship.
Your old relationship is over. I mean, that’s the relationship he broke off of, right? So, obviously, you don’t want to repeat the same thing.
So, what you need to do is begin by writing down certain expectations you want from the new relationship and what you’re willing to do to make it work.
Here are some examples:
If you were needy, become more independent.
If you lacked confidence, learn ways to gain some (or fake it until you make it).
If you got angry all the time, work on handling things more calmly.
If you were the jealous type, cut the crap girl…nobody is attracted to jealousy.
If you have certain wants and needs from your guy, express them to him and don’t feel like you can’t demand respect. That comes with confidence and confidence is sexy.
The most important thing here for the relationship to work this time and the very first thing you need to do is to work on yourself. Build your self-esteem and confidence. Expect more for yourself. A man will only value and respect a woman who values and respects themselves.